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Managing negativity and hate!

Women asks " how can you avoid hate? How can I live my life with out having to receive hate on a weekly or sometimes daily basis "

My answer " become a nobody, work 9-5 , live in a shit house, with shit car and try and look like garbage, if you do that its very unlikely you will receive any hate"

its a said state of affairs that now days hate is such a common, daily part of life. A part from being bullied for being over weight, I can't remember ever receiving hate until I started to make some thing for myself in life.

Starting strongman caused a spark , a sport that wasn't the norm, which made myself come across like I was trying to be a alpha male or something, I couldn't understand why people started to become very negative around me. I left rugby to do strongman and I think in many ways a lot of people wanted me to stay in my lane, I didn't feel like I felt I was better than anyone but I did feel I was stronger, its why I went down this path, to me it was right for me !

We sometimes are lucky enough to be asked that question " you think you are someone" or " you think your better than everyone" why is our instincts in these cases to deny, I used to , I would of been like " no I don't" where as now my answer would be " yeah I am "

What's the alternative , you think others are better than you? you think your a nobody? you don't need to be a motivational speaker to know that's not right to think that way !!

We should believe we are someone because the alternative isn't fun, trust me I've been there thinking i'm a no one and I wouldn't recommend it, our environments and society have always tried keep us grounded.

Now I do believe we should always be humble and respectful to others, how you carry yourself means everything. I believe I'm a better speaking that anyone in Ireland, bold statement to make, but no one succeeds with out that mindset. However, that's belief but id never say anyone isn't as good as me or belittle anyone because I have that belief.

For example , if I believed there was other speakers in Ireland better that me, and majority of speakers here are not 4 figure speakers, my mindset would tell me im not a 4 figure speaker, that if others are not there yet then neither should I. It would only hold me back!!

How about steping into a strongman show and not thinking you're the best , what do you think your chances would be of winning? you would be ate alive!

I wouldn't step onto stages and have the confidence to speak like I need to, and anxiety attacks would be rife.

In my heart I believe i'm the best. Most experienced and credited , maybe not. Believing in what you can't see on paper, believing in that feeling , believing in yourself is way more important than what any list of experiences you have. You must always have that trust and belief in yourself to achieve anything.

when I come out about my sexuality I seen hate like never before , to be honest I couldn't understand why half the time. I couldn't get why how my choices in life and how I lived, had such an effect on others. Why would it bother them so much? why do they have to go out of their way to cause hurt, and be homophobic.

Hate is Hate , whether its based on race , sexuality or body image, whatever, hate is always something that comes from a dark place inside of someone.

You see, hates an effect of emotion its not as simple as people make out. Hate is an action behind an emotion that a person has suppressed or doesn't know how to control. The science behind the power of emotions like love and hate both hold similar strengths to one another - meaning the power of love and the power of hate , when it comes to the hold it has over us are very similar.

If your lucky enough to of loved, we have and experience of what that feeling is like, if you have been unlucky enough to experienced heart ache we also have a indication to how painful that feeling can become , how it can confuse us, and most of all how we want to release it in some way shape or form.

I believe when a person hates another it comes from a place of personal confusion and suppression. Something the individual themselves are not even aware of.

Why do I believe this ? Well one, I've studied the psychology of it for many years, and two this has been my experience to date and i've heard many stories that echo this.

when it comes to my size growing up, I never had anyone bullying me who was well built or bigger, or even anyone who was fit or well put together, everyone was smaller than me. sometimes they were the smallest. Its clear to see the insecurity these guys had at school with being so small, I understand why being the odd ball rugby player , big and strong was such a target to them.

Everyone has their own stories when it comes to homophobia, I can only talk about mine. I've seen and discovered that the LGBTQIA+ community can cause great jealousy in people. It's such a free world, and there isn't a lot of freedom in the world we live in today. Now maybe some members of the community would argue about it being free world so let me explain.

This doesn't go for all parts of the world obviously, but in countries like UK , Ireland America etc, we have much different why of life than other communities around the world. There are still many ways in which our community is being suppressed by others, but when I say free, I mean freedom to express yourself. We see this all the time in many different ways when LGBTQIA+ people step on and express their true selves. Anything from how they dress to relationships and love they experience.

So many people hate how some can live free, not care about judgement, living their true lives and it eats them up inside.

I remember when I was a teenager I had that jealous feeling inside me, seeing someone I related to on tv , in real life living a lifestyle I thought was never possible - I felt that jealousy , it never grew to homophobia in me , but I remember how clear it was.

I know the guys who have shown homophobia towards me have a secret past or present of their own that they continue to keep silent.

Now in saying this, I don't mean all homophobia comes from closeted men and women, in some cases yes but in many no.

Seeing someone live their true life, being happy , being proud and living without care of judgement , that's what drives their jealousy.

Too many people experience hate and take it personally - it couldn't be further from it, it's always to do with that person! ALWAYS! Who has the time to hate anyone unless your burden with a feeling inside you can't control! Unless you have that feeling inside you reminding you everyday , who has the time or effort other wise to get up each day and hate another person.

Hate is always a action based of the insecurities, trauma or mental abuse of another - you sadly , if you've received hate, are simply a trigger for this individual.

Here's a example I love - Man from larne, made millions , grew up from nothing really, laboured a lot his life, took chances, had self belief , worked hard and become a millionaire !!!

How inspiring ! anyone who seen that story should only be inspired. His presents would inspire anyone ..... surely?

Not quite , yes in most cases, its inspires many, many are pleased and happy for him, many on the other had can't process them feelings, or feel it reflects bad on them. Instead give hate towards that person and their businesses based on what? Nothing bar a realisation on their own life and lack of accomplishment.

Receiving hate should be like your tax bill - more money you make, the more you get taxed / more successful you are in life the more hate you'll receive.

So when it comes to hate , here's my final advice!

Get used to it, fast, if you want to be successful

Understand hate never ever is a reflection on you! EVER

When you receive hate, for whatever reason, smile to yourself like a teachers blue tick on your homework , you've done something right to receive this!!

( if hate ever gets to much or you feel its negatively impacting your mental health please get in contact and we can arrange a zoom)

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